i wonder

Sometimes I wonder Y do I sleep with so many toys a Teddy, two huggibears, three pillows So much that there is no such space left for anyone but for me to get cozy. Is it because I feel lonely? Or I cant sleep alone? Or I really fel sad and dnt want to accept it Why? Since I was a kid I never liked softoys or teddies I was never wood over cute chubby puppies. Then why I am like this now?............................

I am what I am

I am what I am
just because i smile
doesnt mean m not serious
just because i laugh at every moment
doesnt mean i dnt take things seriously
just because i seem carefree
doesnt mean i dnt care about anything or
i dont worry about it....
I am what I am
its just i try to hold on as much as i can
but my smile is misunderstood by attitude
laugh by mischief
language by rudeness
I am what I am
i may seem an open book
but i have hidden chapters
which still needs to be unlocked
i may seem clear as a river
but i have cyclones
far deep inside
I am what I am
i may seem calm as ocean
but i have sea monsters prevailing in me
I am what I am
just because i smile
doesnt mean m not serious
just because i laugh at every moment
doesnt mean i dnt take things seriously
just because i seem carefree
doesnt mean i dnt care about anything or
i dont worry about it....
I am what I am
its just i try to hold on as much as i can
but my smile is misunderstood by attitude
laugh by mischief
language by rudeness
I am what I am
i may seem an open book
but i have hidden chapters
which still needs to be unlocked
i may seem clear as a river
but i have cyclones
far deep inside
I am what I am
i may seem bitchy
but m not hurt full
i may seem rude
but i am not heartless
i may seem like i hate you
but inside m dying for u to get me
I am what I am
i may seem i wanna kill you
but i want nothing but the happiness for you
I am what I am
i may seem like
i would turn the world upside down
if i dont get what i want
but i wont even let you know that its killing me
i will smile and stand by you
I am what I am
i may seem impossible to understand
but i cant help it
I am what I am
i dont trust anyone
but thats what keeping me safe till now
and no one ever came to break my belief
I am what I am
......................

TWO FACES OF LOVE

so
from past few days m watching movies like
MILI
RAB NE BANA DI JODI
NAMASTEY LONDON
BREAK UP

and these movies made me rethink about the concept of love and marriage
like in rab ne bana di jodi- there cannot be a random man other than the father's fav student (which she met on her wedding day) and they got married.
she didn't loved him, hell she didn't even liked him and was sad (coz her supposed to be lover/husband was dead on her wedding day).she even told his husband that she cant love him ever and if he want he can divorce her.
yet, he agreed and loved her with all her heart and never told her his feeling as it may hurt her.
she asked to join dance classes he permits and changed his whole identity to be the man she could love (i know lill dramatic that how cannot she identify her own husband but ya its a movie, what else do u expect??)
She does fall in love with him u know, and the husband putting a stone on his heart offers her to run away with him(leaving  all-his identity, family property)to start fresh.
and in the end she chooses his HUSBAND.
how can a man love anyone to leave all,sacrifice all just to see a smile on her face???


in Namastey London- the NRI parents trick her daughter to marry a punjabi guy(as they thought they were loosing her to west)upset girl make a wish to leave just after wedding (trick - so that they don't get time to register their marriage)

the happy husband goes to London doing prep for his reception only to find out that he has been ditched and the girl doesn't even consider it a wedding .
The husband then also stays in london and win the heart of her bride, which (off coarse the melodramatic Bollywood) had a boyfriend and wants to marry.
the husband becomes her friend  and she falls in love with him and the D day (wedding of bride with her boyfriend) she leaves the isle to be with his lawful husband.

Lets talk about MILI - the girl got cancer yet she is full of life and on the other hand a rich guy is sad drunk as his parents dead(murder suicide).she taught him to live to love and dies....SAD

BREAK UP- a nice movie showing typical guys and gals in relationship.
the guy don't give a fuck about small things, loves to drink, party and have fun with guys and his Girlfriend too.
the girl does the cooking, picking the clothes, managing the house parties, dinner etc..
after a time she gets fed up and breaks up- not because she doesn't love him but it was hurting too much.
the guy gets it too late, and they never got together again........

these stories made me realize that LOVE like just like any other thing has 2 faces.
its not necessary that the guy u think is the one for you really is the one
sometimes the love can find its way in your heart at the times u dont expect it..........
and love is possible even your heart got broken  or fed up with life.
as for me I HAVE TOTALLY LOST FAITH IN LOVE OR LOVE STORIES.....

but watching after these movies I m  beginning  to think MAY BE there's hope for me after all.....................

Men & Women

so

what should i write today?
i want to write something
m having these urges to put out want i think or what i am feeling right now but the moment i open this page mind becomes as this page BLANK .........
urggggggggg........
i was watching euphoria's video of "kabhi ana tu meri gali" and it made me really sad..
both guy and girl like each other but as no one confessed the girl was to be wed to another guy which their parents fixed.
at the day of wedding the guy's family back out of the ceremony coz they want more money, and the lover boy accepts the girl and they live happily ever after.
BUT BUT BUT
this made me think

• how many of us cant have their love coz they are afraid to confess?

• what if he or she had told the other about their feelings?

• and how was the guy which parents selected ? i mean she was lucky he backed at wedding and not afterwards

• how can parents choose and decide whats best for her?and indeed if they can then how come this happened at the wedding?the guy just walked out ? never even once asked about the issues or reason of why he was asked to do so?

• and it was just pure luck that the boy was present there at that moment and the girls family was saved a load of humiliation and the guy had the guts to offer himself

• how many females cant have that opportunity as their friends are seldom in the  wedding itself.

• and it was the father who accepted that guy finally as if it was typical father - he would rather stop the wedding than watch his daughter marry a man he didn't choose

why no one discuss these things?
the  past(ancient) was much much better the girls  had the freedom of choosing their husbands, the man cannot refuse a women who propose him.
today we call ourselves modern but what are we really?
on one hand we reached on another planet and on the other if a girl has too many guy friends she doesn't have a character?
on one hand a girl should be self dependent  on the other if she stand up for herself people lecture about how a girl should be polite, humble and submissive?
WHY?
why  a man and a women working on a same profile are judged differently?
if a man is strict he is perfect for the job, he is professional and perfect, and if the same with girl- she is bossy, hitler, egoistic, bad mouthed, mannerless, and belongs to a bad family?
I MEAN SERIOUSLY
how could u even go to her family and not his?
PLEASE go look in mirror............
These type of people make me sick...

poor man & robbery

I was watching a movie when i heard a man cry so loud on the road that I couldn't stop myself to go and see what happened
It was late so of course I went on the balcony to lookout and there i saw another man talking to him.
crying man was a balloon ball seller he was crying like anything he told that someone asked him for 100 rs change so he took out his today's earnings to give them change and then they rob him and took all of his money (around 400-500).
now he had no money left even to go back home.
the man who is my neighbour gave him some bucks so that he can go home at least.

what day has come.....
a man selling balloons to eat and survive and people rob such poor man, god knows that whether or not he will have anything to eat today.....
how could people do that ....
m heart broken....
m loosing faith in humanity lill bit each day.................
:(

Happiness is fantasy & fantasy is not real.....

HAPPINESS--- its the golden pot at the end of every dream, hope, success & determination.
every human being works their ass off and for what? 2 coarse meal & luxury which leads to happiness

But why people need happiness or to find it so hard?
Our world is filled with the circumstances and people just waiting to snatch it away- people lie, cheat, stab in the back,sneak in your life, they are selfish, they don't care about others all of this plus if you are dependent you have to listen every bullshit & bear everyone (even those you wont share earth with), if you are independent - you have to be self aware all the time, take care of bills, grocery, garbage even.
people are so distressed & depressed over life, recovery, raise, appraise that they are not happy anymore.

So seems like its not easy to come by these days....
 people who see things & hear voices are mentally sick they say..
they suffer a lot no doubt there  but they are damn lucky in some ways--- they see who so ever they want, talk to whom so ever they want, they live with the people who got killed,died or they lost at least they think they had that experience.
And they my friend are HAPPY
So the question that comes in my mind is --- IS BEING CRAZY WHAT IT TAKES TO BE HAPPY????

which one.....?

So today I want to talk about death:

What is death? If a person dies is he dead? Is Elbert, MJ, Teresa dead?

I can’t tell if a person is remembered for centuries then he is dead…

There are plenty of people who die and no one care in my opinion they are the one really dead…

And what about mourning? Each one have their one type :- some cry their lungs off, some drink to sink their sorrows, some call the shots and toast to their past encounters and incidences and laugh it off….

Which one  is the correct one?